and so I find myself in the deli,

chewing at my gums.

rum ba dum tum

chew it up, spit it out

step on my bubblegum.

I wonder if I’m grown enough now

to drink straight rum.

ba dum pum bum pum

chew it up, spit it out

I hate being young.

I fear I am a little too good at it.

I could walk around the deli, look for something to eat.

but I would rather reflect on us

and suck on my thumb.

I miss the delirium.

chew it up, spit it out

I wanna live 

like I’m gonna die young!

chew it up, spit it out

… yum.

nothing could taste better than this.

swirl it ‘round and ‘round

ba dum pum bum tum

reach for the divot in my back

reach sooooo far back

you get stuck in it, 

love.

chew it up, spit it out.

bite it.

bite my tongue!

I’m so tired but I never want to sleep again.

chew you up, spit you out.

are you really even here?

I don’t know, I don’t care,

I just need you to need me.

I’m so sad but I never want to smile again.

chew me up, throw me down

j-j-just like ecstasy.

I’m too dreamy; could it be true?

you don’t know, you don’t care,

you just need to see it through.

I’m gonna throw it away!

All of it away for This

I’m a girl I’m enough 

It all makes sense

It all adds up.

Draw me in Pull me away

Drag me down Swallow my whims

I am lost but 

don’t you dare

Let me get Found.

[And actually I think I felt myself slip away around 9 P.M. that night. You smiled like I was the reason there was light on this earth. And soil in the ground.]

step on me, speed it up

bite down on your gums.

rum tum tum

keep it down, baby

oh my God, fuck it up!!!

nothing could feel better than this.

I grab onto your skin.

grab me! kiss, kiss.

[I don’t know quite when you

 settled to give up on this.]

but it seems I have to settle now, or else I’ll never grow up.

So, I’ll walk around the deli, imagine the taste of rum.

I’ll search for something, anything ‘deli - cious’.

at the deli… maybe rum? 

ba dum pum bum dum?

yeah, yeah. 

give me some.

blow it up. spit it out.

pull me back, delirium.